I hope...

That I have fun the next 9 days. There is a lot to do, a lot to think about, and a lot to process. This is the biggest decision ever, and the biggest life change. I have moved countries, but this is even bigger than that. And I go between being elated, and then feeling like we should just run away and elope. But really, I just want to enjoy this moment. I think being sick for over 2 weeks doesn't help either. I haven't been able to work out in about a month, and lets just say I don't feel my best.

But in a way, its providential. As a perfectionist, I want to be at my peak on my wedding day. I wanted to lose 20 lbs, but I gained at least 10. I wanted to have fantastically toned arms, but instead, lets, just say, I will not. And yet, I am marrying a man who will still think I am the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. He is saying 'yes' before the most important people in our lives when I feel most unlovable. At my worst, he still wants me. I think that is just the way it should be...

A New Year

Every year I think that the next one will better. That maybe it will hold some dream coming true. That it will prove better than the last. 2010 begin with getting married, and that seems like something to celebrate. But even with that, I think that it will go beyond. I just have a feeling this is gonna be a good one. I hope that for those around me who have struggled this year, that this one will be like a wonderful bike ride down hill. Hair flying, breeze whipping and fun all the way. I just wish I felt better so I could celebrate in style.

ok

So I really think I am losing my mind a little bit. I just sent out an email to the rehearsal participants and left out important things like...the date. I mean come on! I know, I know, I'm being hard on myself, but these are not things that I forget! Or like today when I said that a woman could file for medicare on her husband's record because she isn't insured, but he is only 59! I mean, come on Technical Expert, get with the program!!! Rookie mistake, kid.

So yeah, there are many little instances where I feel like I am losing a grip on the control over details. I have control of the details, the policies, the dates, the times, the particulars. But right now, I can't hold it all together in my tight little fist. Its part of the process...and you know, its probably good to loosen my grip. To let go and let it all happen. Chris is really taking over a lot of things, and I think I need to learn this lesson. Let him take care of me. I don't think I've let anyone do that in years...

And right now, I'm gonna publish this post, and not even proof read...so there!

The Proofs

We just got one of the proofs for our invitations. It seems like this whole wedding thing has been fake... like its just something we plan, and people ask questions about. Not real. But seeing the invitation with our names and this date we keep telling everyone about makes it all the more real. I hate to spoil surprises, but I'll give you all a peek anyway.

We used this wonderful designer Kimi from Printable Press. Her designs are divine. You can see more of them at www.printablepress.com. It was very hard to decide.

I have decided...

TO HIRE A WEDDING COORDINATOR. It seemed like it was too luxurious. But when it comes down to it, its not that much money, and I will be at peace. I am in touch with one that sounds like she's the ticket. Someone to make sure everything is just right, so that I can have a wonderful wedding day. That sounds perfect.

I would like magical lights like this: