I hope...

That I have fun the next 9 days. There is a lot to do, a lot to think about, and a lot to process. This is the biggest decision ever, and the biggest life change. I have moved countries, but this is even bigger than that. And I go between being elated, and then feeling like we should just run away and elope. But really, I just want to enjoy this moment. I think being sick for over 2 weeks doesn't help either. I haven't been able to work out in about a month, and lets just say I don't feel my best.

But in a way, its providential. As a perfectionist, I want to be at my peak on my wedding day. I wanted to lose 20 lbs, but I gained at least 10. I wanted to have fantastically toned arms, but instead, lets, just say, I will not. And yet, I am marrying a man who will still think I am the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. He is saying 'yes' before the most important people in our lives when I feel most unlovable. At my worst, he still wants me. I think that is just the way it should be...

A New Year

Every year I think that the next one will better. That maybe it will hold some dream coming true. That it will prove better than the last. 2010 begin with getting married, and that seems like something to celebrate. But even with that, I think that it will go beyond. I just have a feeling this is gonna be a good one. I hope that for those around me who have struggled this year, that this one will be like a wonderful bike ride down hill. Hair flying, breeze whipping and fun all the way. I just wish I felt better so I could celebrate in style.

ok

So I really think I am losing my mind a little bit. I just sent out an email to the rehearsal participants and left out important things like...the date. I mean come on! I know, I know, I'm being hard on myself, but these are not things that I forget! Or like today when I said that a woman could file for medicare on her husband's record because she isn't insured, but he is only 59! I mean, come on Technical Expert, get with the program!!! Rookie mistake, kid.

So yeah, there are many little instances where I feel like I am losing a grip on the control over details. I have control of the details, the policies, the dates, the times, the particulars. But right now, I can't hold it all together in my tight little fist. Its part of the process...and you know, its probably good to loosen my grip. To let go and let it all happen. Chris is really taking over a lot of things, and I think I need to learn this lesson. Let him take care of me. I don't think I've let anyone do that in years...

And right now, I'm gonna publish this post, and not even proof read...so there!

The Proofs

We just got one of the proofs for our invitations. It seems like this whole wedding thing has been fake... like its just something we plan, and people ask questions about. Not real. But seeing the invitation with our names and this date we keep telling everyone about makes it all the more real. I hate to spoil surprises, but I'll give you all a peek anyway.

We used this wonderful designer Kimi from Printable Press. Her designs are divine. You can see more of them at www.printablepress.com. It was very hard to decide.

I have decided...

TO HIRE A WEDDING COORDINATOR. It seemed like it was too luxurious. But when it comes down to it, its not that much money, and I will be at peace. I am in touch with one that sounds like she's the ticket. Someone to make sure everything is just right, so that I can have a wonderful wedding day. That sounds perfect.

I would like magical lights like this:

I had a bad dream

SO I had my first bad dream about the wedding since we got engaged. I have had bad dreams about my future wedding throughout my life. As Chris and I got closer to getting engaged, they got less and less bad, until it was really just one little detail out of place. Seems like we have started over!

So in my dream, the wedding is taking place in a dilapidated tent. Old time, like for a circus. And the other problem, there are only 5 people there. We are inviting 185. There are 15 people in our wedding party. This is bad. I realized that I didn't get a single RSVP card back, and I didn't bother to follow-up either! What was I thinking? So I started asking, is this even a real wedding? Can we even get married? What is going on!!!???? I woke up before a solution came to mind.

I guess it could have been worse.

I think we're going long

The latest conundrum involves the reception. Its been going back and forth between evening desert reception and a dinner. But of course they each have their challenges. The dessert reception requires seating for a lot of the guests, but it also turns out to be about double the price of what we can spend!

So we have gone back to our original idea which was to have an Indian restaurant cater a dinner. I think we're going for it. But the room we have will probably be tight with the guests that we have. Even though we have slashed the guest list, its still larger than we, or the room, would like.

But fret not, my two to three readers, it is going to be OK. We will be cozy, but we will fit. And I think that the solution comes in the form of the long table.

Let me explain...I always think of round tables as a wedding reception must. BUT, a long table is actually more space efficient. The good news is, that it turns out everyone is doing long tables now, and who am I to go against the trend? I think we will end up with a mix of round and long, but I think it will work beautifully. We eat, we will be merry, and we will sit at long tables in style.

Obsession

Here's the thing. I get obsessed with things. I am almost always thinking constantly about one thing over and over. It might be a little thing, it might be a important big issues, but I will always have something to mull...over and over and over. For now, it always centers around the wedding. Big surprise there! For several weeks it was wedding bands. I haven't picked one as of yet, but its gone back burner on me. Right now, I am thinking about hair. I never thought too much about how I would have my hair. It suddenly occurred to me that I need to figure that out, and voile...obsession begins. So I have decided to get it out on blogger...perhaps it will help?!?

I'm going back and forth between updo and half up...I just don't know. Here are a few of my thoughts.

I really like the idea of having a beautiful comb or clip in my hair, but I'm undecided. If I were have a spring/summer wedding I would go for the flower, but I don't think I want one. The image that has the veil is about how I want to wear mine. I think that's just a really pretty look...it's 'done' but its not too crazy. I'm sure when I meet with my girl Kristin, she will have some great ideas too.

Its been THAT long?

My how time flies...that old half marathon is long gone. Finished it in great time. Interesting to think what has transpired. My sister was pregnant, I got a super cute nephew out of it. I worked hard, got a new mini. I got engaged, and will have a awesome new husband. And now my life is pretty much consumed with working too much, and obsessing over wedding planning. I always imagined my wedding with vague detail. I didn't want to plan or dream up too many ideas because of so many unknowns. So here I am actually planning it, and I am thrown into the overwhelming world of color, paper, linens, monograms, cakes, signature this and that, hand-made, DIY, once-in-a-lifetime, documented forever, one-and-only-chance-to-get-it-all-right wedding decisions. Where is the love in all of that?

My dear friend Meredith did something wild, she got engaged and married about two weeks later. At the time I think she really felt overwhelmed, but I kind of think there was a magic about it. There were only a few people there, and there was no time to get wrapped up in the other stresses. There is something really freeing about that. But I know that there are other things that you miss out on by going the pseudo-elopement route. Still its a little enticing!

I know in the end, the whole event will be magical. It will be me marrying my BFF and celebrating with 185 people (choosing those people is a whole other world of craziness!)

And really, isn't that what its all about anyway?

The first week

I think this is going to be good. I walked about 11 miles last week, and did one day of The Firm boot camp (cheesy but good). I feel really good. I like being outdoors walking. I forgot how much I like feeling the air and having time to think. It feels good to have a motivation for exercise as well. I do work out, but its so easy to make it last priority or go a week without it. With the motivation of the Marathon, I really don't want to miss anything because race day will not be fun if I skip training sessions.

Shannon, Kristen and I went for our long walk on Sunday and it was super fun. We went on a trail I didn't even know existed, and it felt like we were in this hidden world nestled in the heart of Pike Creek. We think we did about 4 miles, and with my new cushy running shoes, it was a great walk with no pain. I am excited to keep building our distance and getting better times.

I just keep reading about marathons, and shoes and clothes that work best for long distance, and its kind of an overwhelming world. I can see how the sports related industries make so much money--there are many accoutrements to make a simple and free form of exercise expensive!

We'll see how everything progresses, but I could see this being a new yearly event. And there are marathons all over the place--maybe London next time?

Am I crazy?

So I had casually said to a friend a few months ago that it would be fun to walk a half marathon. I like goals, and I like a challenge and a half marathon sounds much more attainable. So cut to this week, and this same friend sends me an email asking if I really want to do it. I thought about it for a few minutes. All kinds of excuses came flooding into my mind. I mean, come on, do I really want to walk 13.1 miles for fun? I still get nam flashbacks when I smell freshly cut grass on a summer morning from field hockey pre-season in high school. It makes me think of whistles blowing and torture. That is how much I love running.

But then the overwhelming feeling of accomplishment that I know I will feel came to the forefront. I want an excuse to really get in shape, and I think not wanting to fail at the race will motivate me to walk lots and lots up until then. And this isn't running, this is walking, and although it can be just as grueling, I feel much more capable. I've got strong legs, and I am not afraid to use them!

So we start this week. We have a plan, and we will hopefully stick to it. It will be fun to hang out regularly with my friend, and I think we will both come out on the other side very pleased with our selves for doing something so challenging.

We are tentatively doing the Prevention Marathon in Philadelphia in November. Another milestone for my thirtieth year and I can't wait!

The Moon and me

Let me tell you about the moon. We have a tense relationship. When I was small, I thought that I was looking at a reflection of earth. I could see little countries, and I was sure that the sky was like a mirror reflecting our image. I loved it when the moon was big. It felt like some weird thing, and reminded me that outer space was not that far away.

Now the moon holds a whole other set of feelings. When its a sliver, I feel at ease. When it is full, I know that people will turn crazy. I know that the likelihood of getting yelled at goes up exponentially. I become aware that the need to have people escorted out by the armed guard will probably become a reality. I might be told that I have ruined Christmas, or just plain old destroyed someone's life. I will have messages from people that I haven't heard from since the last full moon. I look in the sky, and know that the mood will be tense, the people insane.

That moon has some power. I still think its magical, but in a much different way.

Oh what fun!

Last night we were in Lens Crafters and stumbled upon a most magnificent pair of glasses. The new store in the mall is all modern with great lighting and trendy everything. However, tucked in the very back corner in the "budget" section were some beauties. Of course I made the boy model them, and he obliged for my amusement. There were other more incriminating shots, but probably too horrifying to post here without the explicit permission of the subject. For your viewing pleasure.....

Places to go

I have been thinking about travelling the last few days. Not really planning a specific trip, but pondering different places, sites and climates. I think when I start to feel trapped in any area of life, I start thinking about other countries. Wht the weather is like there, if it would be a fun place to visit or even live. It makes me feel like there are options. I have been thinking of Florence the last few days. My iPhone tells me it is sunny and 90 there-has been for the last week, and looks like it will be for awhile. So I don't want to go there now, but thhe spring or fall would be divine.

Last time I was there, it was about 8 years ago while on a backpacking adventure with a friend from college. Florence was magical. There were fireworks over the river the night we arrived, it was like nothing I have ever experienced. It was beautiful, the art was famous, the food delicious and the gelato to die for. Ahhhh. Makes me peaceful just thinking about it now.

I think I need to plan a European vacation. This time hotels and not hostels!

Fireworks make me happy

So there isn't really too much to say other than that. I just love fireworks-mainly the bigger beautiful displays rather than the random ones shot out of someones backyard. They seem magical, like a fairytale. They sparkle and shine-which automatically makes me fall in love.

I havn't gotten to properly see fireworks in years. It has been my goal, my hope every year, and somehow it hasn't happened, until now. It was touch and go there for awhile, but after a romantic dinner at Taco Bell, Chris drove me down to the riverfront to fullfill my dream. We were really close to the start time, so we went in the back way. It was perfect. We watched from underneath I-95 and it was magical. Sparkles, shooting stars, gleaming cascades, explosions, and color. Hopes fullfilled. Sad but true.

So yeah....

So it has been a time since I last posted. Life got a little wild, and by wild I mean stressful, and by stressful I mean close to nervous breakdown level. I think between sewing 5 hours a day, working about 50+ hours a week, it all got to be too much. I am learning about burnout, and taking time to relax. I think I have been completely burnt out for at least a year, just willing myself to keep going. But a girl can only do that for so long. I think I am slowly getting to the point where I can tread water again vs drown, but I really want to be swimming and enjoying life again.

I think I might even start sewing again this weekend-there is a sign of life!

And ps-if you havn't seen wall-e you really must. I felt unfortunately akin to that little guy.

YAY!!!

It is officially spring outside, and that is wonderful. I like the feel of a cool breeze blowing across my face even when lounging inside. It makes it feel as though all is well with the world. I feel a peace coming as spring invades the world, and it is really one of my favorite times of the year. For some reason, every time spring rolls around, it seems as though I have never experienced it before. It always seems new and exciting. I hope that continues every year.

In honor of spring, I have made and added some new spring things to my shop. I have more to add, and some new ideas to come. I hope that everyone else enjoys to pretty little things to come.

A Few More Things

I made some more things. More earrings, and now some pins. I am waiting for the rings to arrive so I can add them too. I LOVE these new designs. And since this is my blog, and I can do whatever I want, I am posting more pictures. I am hoping that a certain person who's name begins with "mere" and ends with "dith" will especially like the Meredith Pin. You can see more on etsy.

Oh how I love thee...

My iphone is really wonderful. It gives me my stock information, the weather for the next five days for all the cities that I care about. It takes beautiful pictures, which I can easily download. Text messages look like IM's for easy viewing. I can check my email anytime. If I am lost, all I need to do is hit the little map icon, and my iphone can figure out where I am, and then I can get directions. My calendar is there to keep me organized. It will wake me up in the morning with its alarm. And yes, I can even make a phone call. I love it. The only thing I can't do is get picture texts. And it won't talk to me either. I am just so glad that Chris got it for me, or else I would be sorely jealous of his. I promise, I am not so shallow and superficial that a $400 little computer will make me happy, but it sure does make my life much easier.

Something Sweet

I had this idea for my fabric scraps......

These are earrings from fabric covered buttons. Not only am I not wasting fabric, but I can make super cute earrings, rings and also pins. I ordered the parts I need for the rings, and various sized buttons to cover for pins. I was thinking the pins would be cool to add to my bags for embellishment, or anything really. I like them, and they are currently for sale on etsy.